I like list..
List creates order. Organization.
Sticky notes, notecards, crisp new notebooks. Journals! Oh my, am I a sucker for a new journal.
Pens. There is nothing like a new pen, with a smooth as silk ink flow. No blobs at the end of each letter. Just a smooth swish of the pen, and your list is complete.
I can't remember a day in my life when I haven't had a list.
To do list, grocery list, Christmas gift list, classes left to take in college, goals, places I wish to visit,bucket list and so on and so on... The list go on for what seems like eternity.
My most memorable list, was a list I made when choosing what I wanted in a husband. I made a strict list. Some things were non negotiable. This was the best list I could have ever made. I'm thankful for my husband, who fit the bill to a T. !(33 1/2 years and counting)
Since list were such an important part of my life, I used them for my spiritual check off list.
Asked Jesus into my life. Check
Baptized at a young age. Check
Read my Bible every day. Check
Pray for my enemies. Check
Attend Bible Studies. Check
Work harder and harder to be the best Christian possible. Check, and check again,check again... darn. Messed up.
Start over.
Trying to be "good" enough to be a child of God, has been an exhausting process.
Trying, and failing,was my daily routine.
Something has to be wrong. Maybe something was wrong with me?
I prayed an honest, earnest prayer, asking God to just please tell me what He wanted of me.(note: this is risky. Don't ask, if you don't truly want God to answer that prayer!)
Soon after,our small group went through the book: The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith.
Smith explained, that we will never be "good" enough for God. BUT, that God loves us anyway. He loves me with all my flaws. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be "real" with God.
Most of my life, I've given God approximately 95% of my life. He wanted it all. Here's where He answered my "prayer". There were parts of my life that I wasn't even aware that I had a clenched fist on. God knew. He wanted that too. Letting go wasn't as easy as I hoped, and just being real, it's not always successful to achieve. He knows that too. So, daily, hourly and sometimes even minute by minute I surrender ALL of me to, God.
Since I am a list maker, I decided to make a list of the "reasons" I felt like God was calling me to be baptized as an adult. God revealed many areas in my life that He has been refining the past few years. It was clear, He wanted All of me, He had it, and He wanted me to be baptized to seal the deal. I emailed my list to Charlie. His response was confirmation. (plus, I made him cry.. that's always a good sign. :-) He so sweet.
I'm sure I ticked satan off by my choice of baptism because he tortured me all week. He put thought in my mind: what will people think? they are going to think you've been a phony all these years, did you back slide and now you've "found your way back". and a lot of other negative judgmental churchy things.
My response was... Who Gives a Care! True Story. Like Charlie says, "awww Suzanne, people will think what they want to think". Another true story.
God assured me that this is what He wanted, and so this is what He got. I am a Proud Child of God, and I am not ashamed!
Nice Little church Bathroom shot before baptism.
It was kind of neat having one of my previous students, now one of our pastors at North Ridge Church baptize me.*John Voncannon.
Happy Dance !!
2 comments:
Congratulations! I love that you were baptized again, good for you! Marli is a list maker, too. She makes a list of things for us to do every time she sleeps over. Lol
You're inspiring!
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